


Would You do it Again?

by wannabespacesmuggler



Category: Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Established friendships with the boys, Ethan and the boys adore you, F/M, Fluff at the beginning, Meet-Cute, Not A Happy Ending, You and Ethan are very cute and happy and domestic, and I ruin it, angst at the end, but also a beautiful relationship, just a sad time all around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24783097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabespacesmuggler/pseuds/wannabespacesmuggler
Summary: Ethan answers the one question that’s been on Luther’s mind for the past couple of months: if he could go back and change things, would he still do everything the same knowing how things would end for the both of you in the end?
Relationships: Ethan Hunt/Reader
Kudos: 6





	Would You do it Again?

Ethan remembered the night the two of you met as if it were yesterday. He had just recently gotten back from a mission and it was one of those rare times where neither he, Benji, Luther, nor William was sent right back into the field after the debriefing. During these rare times, Ethan and his team could often be found at their favorite bar in D.C. Benji had taken them to the hole-in-the-wall establishment after one of their first missions together as a team and it had become somewhat of a tradition for them from then on. They were on their third beers when Ethan met your eyes. The group was sitting at a booth in the corner, while you were sat at the bar. William was practically howling with laughter over something Benji had said when you looked over, fully expecting to roll your eyes at the sight, but instead, you saw him. His dark hair was slicked back and he wore a simple off-white henley with black jeans; however, this man seemed to be anything but boring. He smiled brightly at you, making your heart flutter, but you simply turned away from the group and instead focused on the drink in your hand. Little did you know that that only made Ethan more intrigued. You and Ethan spent the next hour sharing stolen glances and small smiles until William groaned.

“Listen, man,” Brandt started. Ethan turned his attention back to his annoyed gaze. “You either got to stop flirting with the girl at the bar or go introduce yourself. You’re making the rest of us feel bad.”

Benji furrowed his eyebrows, seemingly oblivious to what was happening between Ethan and the girl at the bar while Luther simply chuckled; he was used to girls flirting with Ethan after the years they spent at bars. William seemed mildly disappointed by his friends’ reactions and groaned once more before continuing.

“Alright, alright. You’re making me feel bad,” William confessed. This caused the group to erupt into laughter once again as William simply rolled his eyes and downed the rest of his beer. Ethan smiled as he watched his friends enjoy their night before he glanced back over to you. You were chatting with the girl next to you, the one who you came with. Ethan noticed you the second you entered the bar but shrugged off the feelings pooling in the pit of his stomach as he kept telling himself that it was guy’s night; however, now he knew that he was doing a terrible job at letting it go as now Brandt had caught on to the situation at hand. Usually, he’d let the comment slide and simply go on with the night without a second look in your direction. Dating was something that Ethan had given up on after his last relationship ended a little over a year ago, but for some reason, he couldn’t seem to get you out of his head and your glances back to him weren’t helping in the slightest. Ethan finished off his beer before sliding out of his seat, determined to see why he couldn’t let you go just yet.

“Wish me luck,” Ethan told the three of them with a wink. William, Benji, and Luther cheered Ethan on as he approached you at the bar. He shot an annoyed glance back to his friends, warning them not to mess this up for him. You noticed the man approaching you, but pretended to be preoccupied. He was handsome, there was no argument there, but he also looked like trouble and that was something you always tried to avoid if you could.

“Let me buy your next?” He offered as he slid into the seat beside you. Your friend gave you a knowing smile before she left the two of you alone. You turned your attention to the man beside you and your breath got caught in your throat as you saw the smile he had on his face. You quickly recollected yourself before acknowledging him.

“Who’s offering?” You asked him, smiling back; it was almost as if it were contagious.

“Ethan,” the man answered as he leaned in a little closer. The action didn’t go unnoticed by you, but you also didn’t do anything to stop him.

“Well, Ethan,” you began. You mimicked his actions, earning a slight chuckle from the man you had just met. “If you beat me at a round of pool I’ll consider it.”

Ethan seemed to beam at the offer and, although you were pretty good at pool, just judging by his reaction, you knew you were done for. You were very correct. Ethan had accepted your offer and suggested you go first. You were good and Ethan would be lying if said he wasn’t impressed; however, he knew the minute you missed that the game would be over. He was very correct. You watched in awe as Ethan didn’t miss a single shot. Looking back, this should have been a warning sign to who he really was, but you were simply entranced as you watched him do his thing. He sunk the last ball and smiled up at you. You scoffed but quickly offered him a warm smile as well. Ethan ended up buying your next drink and walking you home at the end of your night together. You offered him a cup of coffee while you were both at the front door, but he politely declined knowing full and well that if he stepped through your door he wouldn’t want to leave; that’s also the reason he didn’t kiss you before he left your doorstep.

Ethan ended up calling you the next day to ask you out to dinner and, of course, you told him that you’d love to go out with him. You made him happy, happier than he ever thought he could be. Your relationship wasn’t perfect; you and Ethan fought like any other couple, but Ethan wouldn’t trade it for anything else. You and Ethan had been dating for years now and everything seemed to be going just as well as it had been at the beginning of the relationship. That’s why the phone call he got one Tuesday night while he was off shocked him to his core.

You had been out with some friends while Ethan was watching late night tv on the couch with a beer in hand. It was a little later than when you said you’d be home, but Ethan wasn’t worried; he trusted you more than anyone. He knew that you must have lost track of time or something like that. He was just about to check his phone for a message from you when he got the call. You had been in an accident and it didn’t look good. Ethan grabbed his keys and his boots, not bothering to put them on, but instead tossed them on the passenger seat in his car. He raced to the hospital, believing that if he got there quick enough you’d be okay. His heart was pounding as he ran up to the front desk and told them your name. Everything after that was a blur to Ethan. Countless doctors came by as he sat in the waiting room with his head in his hands. They all told him the same thing: you were alive, but they weren’t sure if you’d make it. They also told him that it might be a good idea to call your family so that they could be here. Ethan knew you didn’t have any relatives in the area, but he also knew that there were a few people who would want to be here too.

It didn’t take long for Luther, William, and Benji to show up. Benji got there first. He had just gotten out of the shower when Ethan called. His hair was still wet when he got to the hospital and it was beginning to curl crazily; however, there was nothing, not even his six a.m. meeting the next day, that would stop Benji from being here right now. Luther got there about twenty minutes after Benji. He had stopped by the group’s favorite take-out spot and got everyone’s usual orders, knowing that it was going to be a long night. William got there about an hour after Ethan’s call. He had been at work when he got Ethan’s message. There were about three reports that needed to get done after the one he was working on at the moment, but he left right after he finished the first. He stopped by both Ethan and Benji’s apartments to pick up a change of clothes for Ethan and a suit for Benji, just in case he couldn’t make it back before his meeting. The four of them sat in the waiting room for hours, waiting for any form of good news, but it never came. When the doctor came out for the last time it broke everyone’s heart, but the boys didn’t let it show as they saw all happiness drain from Ethan’s face. They were heartbroken, but they knew that they had to be there for Ethan.

Now, Ethan was standing before your grave, a dozen roses, identical to the ones he had brought for you on your first date, in hand. His fingers gripped the stems so tight that his knuckles were turning white, the only sign of any external struggle as Ethan stared at your gravestone. Luther watched his best friend intently. He had seen Ethan’s various relationships throughout the years and every time he warned Ethan of how it would end. You were the first person that Luther could see Ethan having a real life with. He could see it whenever you and Ethan had interacted; Ethan had a shot at something real. Luther hadn’t always been the most accepting of the relationship. He remembered back to when he and Ethan had met up for drinks, what felt like an eternity ago. Ethan had seemed a little too chipper for things to be normal, so Luther asked what had him in a mood. That’s when Ethan dropped the news: he had asked you to move in. Luther wanted to be happy for his best friend, he truly did, but all he could see was Ethan going down a path he’d been down dozens of times. Ethan would meet a girl, get attached, move too fast, and realize that he couldn’t handle the sneaking around or lying.

“Ethan,” Luther started. Ethan could tell what he was going to say next just by the sound of his voice. It was something that he had heard from him many times before, every time Ethan decided to date once again.

“And she knows,” Ethan interrupted and Luther’s head shot up to look at the man sitting before him. That’s how Luther knew that it was serious. Ethan had always been a bit of a loose cannon, but his job was something that he never let just slip out. The IMF was the most important thing in Ethan’s life and he’d never do anything to jeopardize his position. Luther had always liked you. You two had spent a lot of time together since you had begun dating Ethan, but he figured that you were just like every nice girl that Ethan dated; however, now Ethan seemed to just prove him wrong in just three words.

“Why her?” Luther questioned him further. He trusted Ethan’s intuition better than anyone else’s, but he just needed to make sure that Ethan’s head and heart were in the right place while making this decision. He wasn’t only worried about his heart now, he was worried about yours. He had grown close to you over the past year you and Ethan had known one another. He appreciated how you would call him once Ethan would make it home alright because he always forgets to tell Luther that he made it back home after a mission or just a night out at the bar. He looked forward to the phone calls from you every week; you’d tell him about all the stupid things Ethan had done or said, but you’d also say that those things were just another reason for you to love him. He would laugh every time you’d try to hook him up with one of your friends when the two of would get together for drinks, not understanding why Luther had never taken you up on any of your offers until Ethan had come clean about his career. Luther also knew that he wasn’t the only one that you had grown close to; Benji had gotten attached to you quickly after the two of you had met. Even William considered you a good friend, all things considered. Luther needed to make sure that Ethan was as serious about you as you seemed about him.

“Before Y/N there was nothing more important than the mission. It didn’t matter what I had to do or how dangerous it was, the mission was the top priority,” Ethan began. Luther nodded at his words, seeing firsthand how intense Ethan could get on a mission. For a while, when Ethan was out doing solo missions after the two had met, Luther was certain that he’d get a call one night from the Secretary to tell him that Ethan was dead. Luther was positive that Ethan needed someone watching his back out there. “But now, there’s nothing more important than getting back home.”

Luther smiled at his best friend. He felt happy for Ethan; he felt overwhelming happy for him. Luther was also happy that Ethan had met you and he knew that the next time that he saw you, he’d have to thank you for saving his best friend’s life. He might not have been in any danger right now, but he knew, that later down the line, there would be a situation where Ethan could have made the impulsive, reckless choice. The choice that Luther had been dreading since he had first met Ethan knowing that it could take his best friend’s life, but now he knew that Ethan would think twice about it, instead of leaping in without a second thought.

Now, Luther was watching his best friend lose all hope. The most important person in the world to him was now buried eight feet underground and there was nothing that Ethan could do or could have done about it. It was a stupid accident, something that no one could have predicted and he knew that that was what was tearing Ethan apart. Ethan has spent his entire life constantly taking into account every outcome that can be produced by every decision that he makes and this was something that he couldn’t predict. Luther sighed as he approached Ethan. He took careful steps forward, afraid that any sudden movements could spook the man who seemed entranced by the words on your gravestone. Luther gently placed a hand on Ethan’s shoulder, but Ethan didn’t even flinch. He just continued to stare at the words until they began to lose all meaning to him. It had been a while since the service and by now everyone had left. For a while it was just Luther, Benji, William, and Ethan left at your grave; the three of them watched Ethan approach your grave intently as they waited for him to snap. To them, Ethan seemed to be taking all of this a little too well, but none of them had seen the inside of the apartment you had shared with Ethan at the moment. It looked like a war zone; a disaster of shattered glass, empty beer bottles, and old letters. The furniture was thrown haphazardly around the apartment. It barely looked inhabitable anymore, except for the couch where Ethan slept every night as he couldn’t even bring himself to lay in the bed you two had shared. Luther was the only one that could see through Ethan’s disguise, so after about an hour of the three of them waiting for Ethan to be ready to head home, Luther sent them both away telling them that he would take Ethan back to his apartment when he was ready. Luther was going to let Ethan have all the time he needed here, knowing that he needed to mourn.

“If you could go back would you do it again?” Luther asked him after a long period of the pair just standing together in silence. This pulled Ethan’s attention to Luther for the first time all day. Luther’s heart wrenched as he took in the appearance of his best friend. Ethan’s hair was slicked back, the way he knew you liked because of the little strands that would fall out of place and his suit was in pristine condition, but that couldn’t cover up the fact that Ethan Hunt was a mess. Ethan looked exhausted as if he hadn’t slept since the night you passed. The dark circles under his eyes dimmed the youthful glow that Ethan had always exuded even as he aged. His usually bright eyes were more of a stormy blue and bloodshot beyond belief. The cuts littering his knuckles made it evident that Ethan was not taking this well in the slightest. He tried to hide them behind bandages and medical tape, but he’d gotten sloppy in the past couple months. Ethan Hunt looked like he had just walked through hell and back; however, Luther knew that, for him, it was much worse than that.

“Would I do what again?” Ethan asked. His voice was strained; it was the only evidence that Ethan had been crying while his back was to his friends. Luther offered him a sad smile, but Ethan’s features remained stoic as he gazed at him.

“Would you go up and talk to Y/N at that bar?” Luther asked again; however, he was certain that Ethan knew exactly what he meant when he asked the question the first time and Luther knew that Ethan was trying to avoid the question now. All the time they had spent together over the years made them very aware of every little quirk the other has, so it was easy for Luther to notice that Ethan’s entire body tensed when he said your name.

“Yes,” Ethan answered without missing a beat. His voice sounded annoyed as if he was upset that Luther had to ask him at all. He thought it was pretty obvious how much he loves you.

“Even if you knew that this is how it would end?” Luther continued the questioning, causing Ethan to let out a sad sigh. Ethan’s shoulders dropped slightly as he returned his attention back to your grave.

“I would do it without a second thought,” Ethan told him. His voice was genuine and Luther could tell by the look on his face that he was telling the truth. Ethan was trained to lie and deceive, but he could never do it to those he cared about. You, Benji, William, and Luther could always see right through the lies that Ethan told.

“Why?” Luther asked one more time. Ethan’s lips curled into a small smile as he thought back to the mornings that the two of you would spend in bed. Sometimes the sun hadn’t even risen, but the two of you were laughing over something that had happened the previous day. You had one arm around his neck while the other was on his chest and his were draped lazily around your waist. You were smiling brightly at him as he simply took in the moment, something that Ethan had often done while he was with you. He wanted to remember every little thing about this. He could practically feel your hands rake through his hair as he stood there with Luther. His eyes closed, wanting to enjoy every second of this temporary bliss as he knew that it would end as quickly as it began. Just like that, your hands were gone; this left Ethan with an intense loneliness.

“She made me happier than any mission ever did,” Ethan confessed and Luther gently squeezed his shoulder in response. Luther could see how happy Ethan was over the past six years. Luther was so thankful that Ethan had found someone who could make him smile and laugh because, for a while, he was worried that Ethan would never feel fulfilled again. He remembered when Ethan confessed that missions just weren’t feeling the same to him any more a few months before he had met you. Ethan’s life was the IMF and Luther was more than concerned that Ethan was going to feel this unfulfilled and aimless for the rest of his life.

“Let’s get you home,” Luther suggested and Ethan simply nodded before slowly bending down so that he could place the flowers on your grave. It was still a few minutes before Ethan could stand himself back up. Luther grabbed his shoulder once again, pulling him gently. He knew that he’d never leave you willingly, but every minute he spent standing here was making him look worse. “She’ll still be here tomorrow man, but we’ve got to get you home. You look exhausted.”

The two spent the drive back to the apartment in silence. Luther wasn’t going to push Ethan and Ethan knew that if he began talking about it, he might not be able to stop. The drive wasn’t too long, but it was enough for Ethan to start to doze off. He drifted back to one of his first conversations with Luther about you. The two of you had been dating for a little over four months and Luther had asked you both out to lunch. It was something that the three of you would do often. Sometimes Benji would tag along and, on the very rare occasions when he was actually free, William would drop by. Lunch was nice as Ethan knew it would be. One of his favorite things about you was always how well you got along with his friends. There were only a few people that Ethan cared about in this world and he didn’t want to have to worry about any of them disliking one another. He never had to worry about that while he was with you. You had to head out early, leaving Ethan and Luther alone. Luther had asked how things were going with you and that’s when Ethan told him something he hadn’t said out loud until right then: “I think I love her”. He offered Ethan a small smile. Ethan knew that Luther thought that he was making a mistake, but he also knew that in time Luther would understand why he felt the way he did. Luther would understand why Ethan just knew from the start that he was meant to be with you.

Ethan was pulled from the distant memory as Luther shook him softly. His eyes adjusted to the dim light of the car and Ethan could see that they were now parked outside of the apartment. He let out a soft sigh and slowly unbuckled himself. He dreaded the time he had to spend in the apartment. The years of memories that were once a comfort to him were now just a reminder that you were gone. The two made their way up to the apartment and Ethan quickly unlocked the front door, forgetting what the apartment looked like at the moment. Luther was speechless. He simply watched his best friend drop his keys down on the counter before collapsing onto the couch. Luther carefully treaded through the mess to get to Ethan. He was about to ask him if he was going to be okay for the rest of the night when he saw a small black box on the coffee table in front of Ethan. He didn’t need to open it to know what it contained. Luther had always wondered if marriage was something that you and Ethan had been planning on but never asked. It was none of his business and he knew that if it ever happened he’d be one of the first people to know. Ethan followed Luther’s gaze to the object on the table and let out a dry laugh.

“I thought I had forever,” Ethan confessed. Luther returned his attention back to Ethan as he slowly sat himself up, his head falling slightly so he wouldn’t have to look at the ring. “So why rush?”

Luther nodded, knowing full and well that he couldn’t say anything to make Ethan feel remotely better right now. This was something that Ethan was going to have to work through for a long time and it might be something he won’t ever move on from, but Luther also knew that, somehow, it would get easier for him.

“You’re going to be alright man,” Luther informed Ethan. Ethan glanced over at him knowing that it wasn’t only Luther’s attempt at comfort, but also a question; Luther wanted him to promise that he wouldn’t do anything stupid tonight. Ethan gave him a nod and Luther seemed to relax a little at his answer. Luther moved towards the door but stopped once more to tell Ethan something he thought he needed to hear right now.

“You know that if this was reversed she’d go back and do it again too right?”

“I know,” Ethan assured him and a small smile danced across his lips. Luther smiled back before leaving the apartment. For the first time all day, Ethan was now completely alone. He sighed, slumping back into the couch before turning the tv on and starting your favorite James Bond film. Since that night at the hospital, Ethan spent every night watching his phone, still expecting a call form you, while Bond played in the background. He could hear you quoting your favorite parts from beside him. He knew that you watched this movie on repeat when he was on missions. When he had asked you why you simply told him how much James Bond reminded you of Ethan, so when he was gone the movie served as a reminder of him. A smile tugged on Ethan’s lips as he closed his eyes, the sound of the movie drowning out as he was suddenly back at that hole-in-the-wall bar. He’d replay the night he met you countless times, each time he’d walking up to you and asking you if he could buy you a drink. He’d do it over and over, again and again until he was okay.


End file.
